Alcohol was always with me. First I played weddings, then there was a professional music career. I work in a no-collar industry. And I admit – I liked it. That's why I don't do it now. I write more about this in Korda's article. (…) I was flying, but I landed. I entered into a relationship – with myself. Then my son Kai came and it was a revolution. He changed me. My father taught me a lot, today I look at life completely differently – says Igor Herbut in an interview with naTemat.pl.
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You seem to be a terrible flirt. Your partner said the same about you. is it true
And am I?
so tell me
I can be a “grandpa”, I used to be a full-fledged one. And I'm always afraid of one thing.
Which one?
Vodkas. Because after that I really have nothing to fear.
Do you have a problem with alcohol?
Alcohol was always with me. First I played weddings, then there was a professional music career… I work in an industry where you don't pay by the collar. And I admit – I liked it. That's why I don't do it now. I write more about this in Korda's article.
Back when I was a fool, I remember the first time I heard Wilkie's “Bohemia” and there's a lyric: “I fly because I want to, I fly because life's bad if it's not there. Is it money or not…” When I heard it, I thought to myself, “Mom, what nonsense! How poorly written!” It wasn't until a few years later that I realized that this was a very powerful text and that it contained a lot of truth, and I was flying too.
Fly, fly and what?
And I went down.
But what made you “land”, what changed?
I entered into a relationship – with myself. And then my son Kai appeared and it was a revolution. He changed me. Fatherhood has taught me many things and today I look at life completely differently.
what kind of father are you
present. I'm mad at my son. Sometimes when I play several concerts in a row, like after the third one, I come home at night only to wake up next to Kai and take him to daycare and then drive another 300 km. I'm not saying this to brag. It's just how I feel, it's all I have.
I am a listening father, I think this is very important in the relationship with the child. I don't want to miss anything, because I know that sometimes such small things, seemingly silly to adults, can be something big to a child that will shape their “I am”.
I think we are the first generation to listen to children. And I'm happy because children are important.
If you had to name one thing your father taught you, what would it be?
I have learned to love. Thanks to my son, I learned what love really is.
Nicely said. Your partner said in one of the interviews that he is sometimes jealous, because once all your and LemON's songs were about him, and now all your work is dedicated to Kai.
The truth is, I only learned about the “new kind” or essence of love when my son was born. This is the kind of love you are ready to give your life for. That's why I'm surprised, for example, when a guy says he doesn't want to be there when his child is born.
This is probably a fairly common occurrence.
I don't want to judge what everyone should do. But I personally don't understand men who prefer to be somewhere else when their baby is born. This was the generation of our fathers – a woman gives birth, a peasant drinks vodka with his friends, and then raises his child “with a firm hand”.
You once said that “Chrust” is your son's album.
Yes, you could say he wrote it – he was a huge inspiration. Having children is great, but first you have to fulfill yourself in life, find what you want, and then enjoy parenthood. Be organized and be ready to give your life to someone else. When you have a child, you experience life differently.
No room for your ego?
In my case there is a place for ego. And with the aforementioned album “Chrust” I really stroked my angry ego.
A raging ego? What does it mean?
So greedy, but sometimes very difficult. I had to prove “something” to myself – that I could write a solo album, that people wanted to listen to it, that they came to concerts, that it caused emotions. And we did.
Do you have complexes?
Yes. They are the result of many things. I have a lot of sadness, difficult thoughts and often fear a lot of things. And that's why I create music – so that I'm not afraid to take it to another world. Sometimes when I look at myself, for example, from the stage in the recording, I get the impression that it is alien. The scene evokes a different energy in me.
Are you more of an introvert or maybe an extrovert?
I'm one leg intro, one leg extra. Unfortunately, this emotional bipolarity sometimes interferes with my ability to function in society. Fortunately, I have a place to share – in my songs. There I tell all the stories that happen to me.
I'm really an extrovert on stage – my motto is: three chords, scream. I like to close my eyes and scream what I feel. And I am an introvert when, for example, I lock myself in my room at home and stay alone with my thoughts.
Talk about “screwing”. I read in one of the interviews that apparently “your vocal chords ruptured” during one of the concerts, but the word “ruptured” seemed a bit far-fetched.
cracked? It's all nonsense. Nothing broke. I sang the song “Dewiat” in MBTM and something bad happened. I still remember the taste of blood in my mouth. I had to be treated. Then I also had aphonia, twice.
It was a very rock and roll time, we played a lot, I drank alcohol, I didn't sleep, I partied and shouted. Well, I did.
What happened next?
I had a little accident. Aphonia is when you lose your voice completely. It's like you're running professionally and suddenly you can't feel your legs. I could not vote. I lost control and had to get treatment and take care of myself.
Have you been to therapy?
No never. I considered it, but I decided. I think about it sometimes.
what's stopping you
As I said, the stage is a form of therapy for me, it helps bring all my parts and emotions together.
are you a believer
This is a difficult question, but the short answer is: yes.
I think about death very often. mostly every evening. After I became a father, it became more intense. I think if I had left, the saddest thing is that my son wouldn't have been able to hug his father and I wouldn't have been able to solve the problem he needed me to solve. I would never want her to experience this. There is great injustice in it when a loved one dies. So it would be nice to live long and be able to enjoy it.
What is your latest album about?
A little goodbye, a little new beginning. With this album, I'm looking for an “atom” of hope that things will get better. In addition, it is enriched with interviews and stories of various people – Michal Panszczyk took care of this. Unfortunately, I heard that in the video for the song “Chamsky” I look like those monsters from The Last Of Us… (laughter) and I don't even know what it is because I haven't played it. Tomek Swierk generally says about this song that it is an anthem for introverts. Gosia laughs that the main theme of this album is flowers, birds and pigs.
Bores?
Yes. Because we are a bit of a bogeyman.
Igor Herbut “Boria”?
A little like that. Not only is he an introvert, he's an old man, but he's also a ghar!
Those are probably strong words.
Sometimes it is necessary. Especially if you want to take care of yourself, your thoughts and mental health. Sometimes you have to lock yourself in an empty room, be alone, and then, unfortunately, you may seem like a “bog” or “living under a rock” to others. I need this space for myself, sometimes isolation, and that's why they often think I'm a freak or a bore.
does it hurt
Different things affect me because I read comments about me, but it doesn't hurt me.
Do you read comments online?
All of them, each of them. It's very unhealthy, I know, but sometimes when something touches me, it's often inspiring.
For example?
“The sound went out at Woodstock” – that hurt, but it was true. I really wanted to do this performance, but my emotions got the better of me and I feel like I'm a failure. But it's true: I will sing 300 concerts well, and most importantly it will be less than I expected. It's all me. If something is to be won, I don't understand, if something is important, I have to screw it up.
Must be the music you won.
I won two things in my life: there must be music and once a computer game. I always received a diploma for participation in, for example, vocal competitions, or an award without any monetary reward. And there are those who are lucky enough to always win something. I am not among them! (laughter)
How do you rate your own works?
I tend to approach things in a cool way.
In addition to making music yourself, you are also the manager of Sarah James.
Well, the manager is a better soul.
After all, you have a company – and you take care of all the management.
Well, actually, yes. (laughter)
I am trying to help him and help him overcome this show business. He is very talented and I wish him the best. I will do everything to make him feel good and achieve his future goals.
Did you send him to America's Got Talent?
Yes, it is thanks to me and my manager, with whom I lead. We piloted all this. I am very proud of it.
Did you expect such a development of events?
Come on… I got the video on Whatsapp at 4am after Simone pressed the gold button. It was something beautiful. I wish it would continue to develop so wonderfully. This is a big girl.
Finally, a different question. What's the strangest thing you've been surprised by from your fans?
The thing that amazes me the most is when I get messages from guys who tricked their partner asking me to make an apology video to such a girl.
Disputes? This is a terrible cringe.
Welcome to my world. (laughter)