We once had a cartoon called “Baba Yaga is against it!” It's me, I'm against it. I won't be a Zoom tile at weddings and wakes. I do not agree to part with loved ones “until better times come”. Especially since I don't know if it will ever come.

Why would you go to an isolated and walled country in Europe that is constantly monitored by “security” services? Why does a person voluntarily accept the risk of arrest and various types of violence? Is it because of cravings, as mental health professionals explain in the media? Or perhaps pragmatically, due to the need to deal with issues that, thanks to the regime, can no longer be considered remotely, such as passport renewal, without which one risks one day finding out that one is in the EU illegally? Or maybe the events of three years ago were nothing special for an ordinary Belarusian or Belarusian woman, and she travels across the border as before, studying, shopping, returning from vacations or business trips? All the above scenarios are equally likely.

For some, the risk of arrest is small, for others – those who have spoken out in some way in 2020 against the fraud and violence of the Lukashenko regime's re-election – it is very real.

I teach my children to walk in the light. And I go to them

taking travel decision It was difficult and accompanied by emotional fluctuations. I had to accept that I might never return to Poland. For most of my friends living west of Brest, this situation seems strange. Are you afraid to go to your homeland? home? loved ones?

Meanwhile, the reason for the arrest may be a photo found on the phone by “security” services or a comment left on social networks a few years ago. In Belarus, there are lists of “undesirable citizens” that correspond to the worst traditions of the Soviet Union. You can only find out if you are on such a list by practicing. That is, going to the border, where in recent years the term “rite of passage” has taken on a new meaning.

If the decision to leave is made despite the warning, the next step should be a “digital wipe”. This means preparing electronic devices for possible inspection. How do I do this?

  1. We review and remove “suspicious” and unnecessary numbers.
  2. Online banking is at our discretion, but it's best to delete Revolut and similar apps.
  3. We delete Messenger conversations with friends who have any flags in their profile photos. It is better to uninstall Telegram or Viber, but they will definitely ask about these applications.
  4. We delete photos we don't want to show. Edible porn can stay. We go through all the folders several times so that we don't miss any details.
  5. We delete important files in Google Drive, iCloud, etc.
  6. We clear browser histories and mailboxes.
  7. We empty the bins.
  8. We go into YouTube settings and turn off recommendations, delete history and check subscriptions.
  9. We don't sleep on the way to the border, we just do the last check. And once again “the end”. And again, if there is any doubt.

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In any case, I clarify that it makes sense to do all this only on devices that were not used in Belarus in 2020, because in case of interrogation or arrest, representatives of state services will probably get access to the smartphone's registration number. After that, they will enter it into the database and check whether the device was with its owner at the protests three years ago.

The way beyond the wall

About ten buses depart from Warsaw Zakhodnia to Belarus every day. Last summer you had to buy tickets in advance, but this year the demand has decreased significantly. Let's give thanks for that Wagnerites, the initiators of the witch hunt that has been going on in the country for three years, but also the Polish authorities, which, so far, are happy to issue residence permits to Belarusian immigrants. You cannot get to Belarus by rail – connections were suspended during the pandemic and have not yet been restored. Not even by plane – after that it stopped Ryanair hijacking in 2021.

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If you have an EU residence card and your documents are in order, you don't want to travel to your home country. Still, there was nothing special about my cruise. Only three passengers with Ukrainian passports of different ages and professional experience, among a group of not very talkative Belarusians and Belarusians, which was partially read by their faces and clothing.

The closer to the border guard booth, the higher the heart rate. What can you do in a moment of such tension, especially when you know it will last for a while? One possible response is: “Accept the fact that there's no going back, you're probably an adrenaline-addicted idiot, and your main job now is to breathe.” Conscious, relatively controlled breathing. So you can turn all the fear into a breathing process and slowly move forward, hoping that you are careful enough.

I was waiting for a special interview with the nameless guard of the republic's borders. Or rather, a guard with sticky nails of impressive length. That detail added to the sound effect when he clicked on my cell phone screen and missed the next app icon that was supposed to check for signs of “extremism.” It's hard to stop laughing at times like this, even—or maybe especially—when you're scared.

As they take your passport, your EU residence card, which you got after many years, and your phone and unceremoniously scan everything, you feel like a child in nothing but your underwear, exposed to the cold. So you stand, wait impatiently, admire the view outside the window and try not to worry. This time I passed the exam in personal data processing.

We managed to travel 550 kilometers between the capitals in about fourteen hours. When I arrived, the first thing I did was cry. I felt relieved, but still not safe. Being in Belarus is like going to a hunting ground.

is our sea

In the summer of 2020, we had the impression that we were the “majority”. It was often heard that “it is impossible to put so many people in prison.” However, the repression continues. Data indicating how many people left the country in a hurry is not public, but certainly there are no less migrants from Belarus in the EU than in the streets of Minsk at the height of the protests. And then we said “our sea”. Those who stayed more adapted to the conditions of occupation. But in reality they are hostages. Why put hundreds of thousands of people behind bars when you can build a prison on a national scale?

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Belarus is like a well-preserved can of cucumbers (for which its southern part, i.e. Polesye, is famous) that has been left in a dark cellar for years. It is not known if the cucumber will be edible when it finally opens. Probably yes, and I personally want it very much. However, there is still a war going on and the future of the whole region is very uncertain.

Belarus becomes Belarus

Yes, war. They don't talk about it out loud. Rarely does anyone name anything, rather they mention “those terrible events”. When we talk about “those events”, we know that we are talking about the protests three years ago. During my stay I was asked a lot of questions about the cost of living in the EU and the difficulties encountered in emigration. They asked me if I missed my homeland.

Instead of the planned ten days, I stayed for two and a half weeks. After all, you never know when your next opportunity will be. I met some friends who stayed in the country. They are doing well. Adaptation is the key to survival.

Minsk is changing, and it is a very sad transformation. A huge “Chinatown” is growing on the site of the old airport, the Arabs are building another hotel and an ugly shopping and entertainment complex in the center of the city. There are no ambitious infrastructure projects.

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Ten years ago, a campaign was started to teach foreigners the name of our country. and that this is not some Weissrussland, la Russie Blanche or Biélorussie, which must end once and for all by Marc Chagall was an artist from White Russia. The country is called Belarus and the adjective is: Belarusian, not Belarusian.

I remembered this after crossing the border, when I saw that Belarus, unfortunately, is becoming more and more Belarus. Western investors who left the country, or even Ukrainian companies whose services were popular until recently, were replaced by Russians and Russian capital. There are more Russian goods on the shelves and Rosneft gas stations have opened. I understand that there is no vacuum in the economy and opportunity makes a thief, but it is sad to see.

We don't give up, we just gather strength

I returned with a light heart. via Lithuania to avoid getting stuck on the Western Bug Bridge for eight hours. When it was my turn for passport control, I was asked the standard question: “What were you doing in Ukraine?”, because I have a stamp in my passport. This time I felt very at ease, allowing myself to joke, “I was going to pick up the panties from my ex-partner's apartment.” The young woman sitting in the firehouse looked up and smiled faintly. No scanning glances. All the best.

It's been a while since I came back. In December, I went to a concert of a Belarusian band in Proxima, Warsaw, where I met friends. The first thing they said was that our mutual friend had recently gone to Belarus and it had been a week since his arrest. We do not know if he will be released after the standard two-week administrative detention and given at least two days to leave the country. Even worse, we don't know if there's anything we can do to help him escape.

“Sit on the bank of a river and wait patiently while the corpses of your enemies float downstream,” says a famous proverb. In my opinion, it is not about giving in or accepting evil, but about the ability to concentrate and gather strength.

So let's wait. It can't always be like that.

**

For security reasons and in the hope that the family will be able to visit Belarus again, the author's first and last name has been changed.

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