They say it's best to learn from your mistakes. I doubt it, just like the saying: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Despite this, we asked the women what behavior and treatment they would not allow in a relationship because they had agreed to it before and knew the cost and consequences of it.
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Camila – lack of balance
I will never play this role again Comforters. Of course, it is important to support each other, but also support. In my relationship that lasted for 3 years, he was always the most important, or rather his problems, challenges and struggles. And I? I was just hoping for my back and curiosity “you can do it”.
Of course I will, but that's not the point. It got to the point where I didn't talk about what was bothering me for a long time because it was nothing compared to what he was going through.
However, when I noticed something wasn't right and he was misbehaving, I became—in his narrative, of course—the one who growled and whined. He started to walk away, but the main point of the argument was how he felt. He, she and he.
I admit that for a moment I even believed that something was wrong with me, that I needed to calm down, that I was like those bad movie partners who don't let their man breathe. It took me a while to realize that it was manipulation because he was the one who was supposed to be hurt.
Beata – I will be there or not, if I call… no
Something can happen to anyone, anyone can forget that they had to call a fire at work. But this cannot always happen. And yet, this happened to my boy.
He was supposed to call in 5 minutes. There was no contact with himAnd I didn't call because I didn't want to disturb. He was supposed to come, I was waiting all dressed and I forgot to write that he wouldn't come. Later, I stopped clinging to these promises and instead of standing longingly by the window, I jumped into trainers.
There was always some explanation, but I still felt like I wasn't important. He apologized, I took it, which was nice because I had no reservations about the time we spent together. But this disappearance, its absorption into space-time, was more and more frequent and bothered me more and more. I don't know why I put up with it. However, the answer is probably clear: because I was in loveBecause I cared about him.
When I realized that he was not going to work on this element in our relationship, I stopped lying to myself. I didn't want to waste my time on something I couldn't get, I didn't want my best years and – it might sound strange – the opportunity to create a real, secure relationship.
Marta – golden cage
Of course, I dreamed of being with a partner, for whom I will be the most important, the most beautiful and generally the most… But only when I found someone who made my dreams come true 1 to 1, I realized how wrong I was. However, I couldn't get out of this relationship for a long time, because “I loved her so much.”
He wanted to be with me everywhere and always, on every outing together. Although in the beginning it was actually like that because later on he just prefers to stay at home, with me of course. When I was meeting up with friends, going to a friend's birthday party, he looked like a beaten dog, asking me a hundred times if I was sure to go there and trying to talk me out of going out.
However, when I decided not to give up on my plans, He bombarded me with messages. The text messages became more and more insistent—even rude—by the hour, or rather the minute. He was jealous for no reason, he saw everyone as a rival, someone who would definitely follow him.
Moreover, he was worried about even having coffee with my friend because he didn't know what we were talking about, which of course he asked me about when I got back.
It got to the point where I actually preferred to stay at home rather than go anywhere. I didn't want to expose him and myself to negative emotions. It took a long time, I had to lose contact with several people before I realized what I was doing with my life. I will never let this happen again. I want to be important to someone, but I realize that the slogan “you are my whole life” is not for me.
Violetta – Too much here and there
I think my case is just a story of violence. As always, it started with butterflies in the stomach, passion and everything we look for, ie big emotions. There were candlelit dinners, walks in the countryside and sharing our passions with each other.
He was a photographer, an artist, which fascinated me. He loved taking photos of me and I felt beautiful because I saw myself in his eyes. By this time…
When he moved in with me and our life together began to revolve around worldly matters, The magic evaporated. Disorders, uncollected garbage, non-payment of taxes, all this led to more and more tension and, as a result, fights. We obviously started to annoy each other. I tried to work on it, to fix things, to talk to him, but he acted like an angry, spoiled child. He picked me up and strengthened me at every step.
What bothered him the most was my appearance, my weight and how my body had changed. Yes, I gained weight, but it was due to hormonal issues, extreme stress and overeating. I will never forget that first situation: I took a shower and stood in front of the mirror wrapped in a towel, the bathroom door was open, my partner looked at me with a grimace, and then told me that I had failed. Horrible lumps on my stomach.
Did I immediately throw him out the door? No. This went on for a few more months, a few months of me crying down my friend's throat because these kinds of comments were repeated time and time again. Especially when he opened the wine and drank it alone.
It wasn't until we broke up, when I went to therapy, that I realized what was going on in my life and how much it was destroying me. If either of you are in such a relationship, you better pack your bags now. It's a waste of your time, energy, health, and every honeymoon comes to an end.
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